Are you looking forward to Christmas? How easy is it to answer no if that is the truthful answer?
There are all sorts of reasons why Christmas is difficult. The first Christmas after a loss whether through bereavement or divorce or break up or moving is always difficult. Memories flood back of happier times or just different times that we were more comfortable with. I can never see the film ET without remembering that was the last Christmas Dad was with us.

In some of the work I have been doing around Christmas I have tried to at least hint at elephants in the room, those we have lost, our own insecurities, feelings of marginalization, risk taking, the future…

As we spend time with our families and friends over Christmas there may be a whole load of taboo subjects we ignore and it is reassuring for me that this may…

Here’s a quick question:

What percentage of returned missionaries and aid workers report psychological disorders during their time overseas or shortly after their return? What do you think? About a quarter, a third, half, two thirds, three quarters?

According to a 1997 study conducted by Debbie Lovell-Hawker of Oxford University, the answer is “about half.” More precisely, Lovell-Hawker’s findings show that among the returned missionaries and aid workers she studied,

46% reported that they had experienced a clinically diagnosed psychological disorder either while working overseas or shortly after returning to the United Kingdom.

Before I went overseas, I would have guessed much lower than half, but after I first heard this statistic referenced in a debriefing I attended, in my mind, the number began to grow much higher than 46%. Statistics have a way of doing that.

Lovell-Hawker’s research included 145 aid and development workers and missionaries from 62 organizations. Though…

This is our 100th blog post, mere newcomers compared to many, but we are encouraged to get to this marker post still being enthusiastic about what we are doing! There was always the slight fear that it would become just one more thing on the to-do list. We thought and prayed about what to write about as well as whether or not we should mark 100. WordPress helpfully tells you what number post the lastest one has been – otherwise we would have no idea!

What we have decided to talk about is significant relationships which in part has been inspired by reading Stanley and Clinton’s book Connecting many, many years ago and more recently Leonard Sweet’s book, 11 indispensable relationships you can’t be without.

what had we done, what would be good to reflect about on this marker? We have gone for significant relationships. Last year, Paul, inspired by books…

“What have you grieved in the past?” asks Nancy Berns, a sociologist at Drake University. “What might you grieve in the future? And some of you are grieving today. It’s not just the death of loved ones that we grieve. Our life is full of losses.”

These include the losses associated with transitioning between homes and cultures, away from family, friends, and the familiar.

When faced with that grief, we usually look for ways to move on, to find closure. But according to Berns, “Closure doesn’t even exist. It’s a made up concept that we use to talk about loss and grief.” And trying to gain closure “can do more harm than good.”

in her TEDxDesMoines talk below, Berns, author of Closure: The Rush to End Grief and What It Costs Us, says that we shouldn’t box up our pain, close the lid, and walk away to look for…